Top Ten Creepy Elements of Tinder

Online dating is weird enough as it is, but a new app has taken it to the next level. 'Tinder' combines all the shallow subjectivity of Hot-or-Not with the all of the random pervs you find on Chatroulette. The creepy hook-up tool proves how absurd the world of online dating has become.

Personally, I like to meet people in casual settings and see if there is a spark. I would never agree to go out with someone after viewing a random photo and texting briefly. Gross.

To show you just how absurd the app really is, I compiled this list of the Top Ten Creepy Elements of Tinder:

10. Judgement Night

• The app asks you judge people on five photos from their Facebook profile. You have two choices: 'X' or '<3'

9. Facebook Friends

• To increase the creepiness, the app demands full access to your Facebook 'Friend' and 'Like' lists. It then shares the common elements with your potential matches. "Yes, we're both friends with Joe from Squamish."

8. Distance Between

• A stalkers delight. The app also uses your cell location to tell your matches how close you are. Now they have your photo, a list of common friends and a general idea of where you live.

7. Night Owls

• The 3 am, "so how you doing," text is always a sure sign of a creeper.

6. Sadness Confirmed

• Over use the app and you receive this message: "It doesn't look like there's anyone new around you." Subtle...

5. Finding Your Ex

• Then there's the chance of coming across pictures of your ex.

4. Group Photo

• What? Who? Which one is it? This is a case for Carmen San Diego.

3. Second Question

• First Question: "So, how are things?" Second Question: "Want to bump?" The creepers have very limited conversational skills. That, or they like to get right to the point.

2. Hijacking

• The app stays open on your phone. Leave your cell on your desk and by the time you come back from the washroom, your co-workers have lined up three dates with the a warlock, a paste-eater and some dude named 'Muscles on Muscles.'

1. All in the Family

• And the ultimate creep factor: being matched with a relative. Shudder…..

Keep it real and meet real people at real events. Try Events and Adventures and eliminate the creeps.

Second Period Scoring Summary

They say never bring up past relationships on a first date and I would probably agree. No one wants to hear about how great, or crazy, your ex was. But I think sharing dating horror stories is never a bad idea. It breaks the ice and puts the other person at ease - 'No matter how bad this date goes, it won' compare to this crazy time when ______________.'

Personally, I think it creates an instant bond, like the trust hormone oxytocin (another blog…). We've all been on terrible dates, so laughing at them creates a common experience. Now, that's not to say you should use it as your opening line. But if the conversation moves that way, why not bring up a funny anecdote about how the cab driver flirted with your date for ten minutes and ended up giving her his phone number.

When asked about my weird dating experiences, my mind instantly goes to '2nd Period Girl.' Here is a quick version of the tale. I hope it brings a laugh and trust me, it was even more awkward at the time…

So I think it was five years ago and I was using an online dating site to meet Vancouver singles. I had been talking to one girl about music and films and we finally arranged to meet for a drink. The day before the date, she called and cancelled. Ok, no problem - reschedule. So after a few more days of talking we booked another time. That day comes, I get ready for the date, hop on a bus (cause we planned to go for a few drinks) and then I get a text… She cancels again. Starting to get a little annoyed.

 A week later she suggests we try once more. I mull it over and decide why not. But, it is a game night - playoffs - and we're playing Chicago. I suggest a sports bar on Commercial and mention the game. She's cool with it. I tell her I'll need to wear my jersey. No problem, she laughs and says she is a diehard fan as well.

The day comes and I head to the bar in my full regalia, minus the face paint. I arrive early and order a beer. She calls and says she is running late. No surprise at this point and I'm just happy to be watching the game in a packed bar.

When she finally arrives, I give her a big smile and a quick hug. But, it is quickly obvious that all her photos from her profile are from a different time period. Like decades ago, when she was significantly thinner and younger looking. 

Now, please don't paint me as shallow, but I was a little disappointed. Probably more thrown by the fact that she had completely misrepresented herself. But, as I mentioned, the game was on, we were in the playoffs and the bar was hopping. I decided to make the most of it.

She sat down and ordered a drink and we engaged in some awkward but fairly natural first-date small talk. I don't really remember what we talked about it, but I remember her being very nervous. I tried to ease the tension and make references to our previous conversations online.

The waitress came by and I ordered some food. My date claimed she wasn't hungry, which was weird cause we had planned to eat. No worries…

The awkwardness continues, the game moves on and the first period finishes. I tell her I need to use the washroom. On my way back, I decide to go outside for a smoke before returning to the table. I have since given up this unhealthy habit, but at the time I needed one and I felt like it wouldn't hurt if I were away from the table for another few minutes.

Apparently, I was wrong.

When I got back, she was obviously annoyed. It had been less than ten minutes, but this girl was pissed. I tried to make more small talk, but her answers to my questions were short, with no follow-up. I gave my attention back to the game.

After a fairly long period of play, the whistle was finally blown and I turned back to her. She was staring at me with death eyes. "You know what," she says, "I'm just gonna go." "Are you sure?" I stuttered. "Yeah," was her answer.

She stood up and put on her coat with me staring in disbelief. "Here's twenty for the drinks," she said, as she proceeded to pull a bill from her purse and literally, from her standing position, throw it on the table.

Like a deer in the headlights, I just stared at her blankly. I think I uttered an 'ok'. And then she stamped out of the bar.

At this point, I took a moment to look around the room. It seems everyone was watching. I lifted my pint and stared into my beer. So embarrassing…

After a few moments the waitress came over and asked if I needed another drink. I said maybe one more. She then leaned down and said in a soft voice: "Are you ok?" "Yeah, I'm fine," I replied, even more embarrassed.

I finished the second period, paid my bill and quietly left.

Outside, I texted a friend who lived a few blocks away and told him I was coming over to watch the third; there's no way it could be more devastating than the second period.

Leave your own awkward dating tale in the comments below.

Dating Profile

The worst thing about online dating is writing the profile. It's so unnatural.

Alright, I'm going to write three paragraphs about myself. I'll need to make my current job sound ultra important. Probably should mention all the places I've been in the last five years and maybe add a few of the places I wish I've visited. Throw in how many times a week I go to the gym, sprinkle a few pop culture references to show I'm still up on what's relevant and maybe mention I like to read. #HumbleBrag

Nobody dumps that much information on someone when they first meet. It's way more than needed. It kinda takes the whole romance element out of dating. Here's my life story, does it fit magically fit with your life puzzle?

And then there are the private messages… You could spend an hour crafting one, talking about her likes and that silly Halloween costume she wore in one of her photos and then hear nothing. Oh well…

That's why I've given up on them. I'm 36 and single and I am officially turning my back on online dating. Who needs it!

I don't have the time or the patience. I want to be excited about meeting Vancouver singles again, not jaded by the process.

But, I do still want to meet someone.

Yes, I have a notion of who that person is, but no one in my peer group comes close. Same thing at work. Lots of friends, a few that are single, but no one I would be interested in dating.

So where do you meet people? At the bar? No thanks… At the gym? Because I'm there so frequently… Not really the right environment for striking up a conversation. So if none of those work, you end up relying on family and friends to set you up. Been down that road twice and it was clear both times that my friends clearly didn't know me.

So it's back to the computer.

Alright, how do I say I like frisbee golf without sounding like a total nerd…?