Ten Awkward Speed Dating Conversations

To be a fly on the wall for some of these conversations would be epic:

10. "You look just like my sister."

Flattering? Not really. I'm sure his sister is a beautiful woman, but no one wants to be compared to a family member. Gross.

9. "I left high school early."

Sure… "I guess you weren't being challenged...?"

8. "Do you have life insurance?"

Red flag! "Next."

7. "The cream cleared up everything."

Honesty is important. But there are limits.

6. "And when I got my fourth cat, I figured, why not five?"

More than one cat and you're basically throwing in the towel.

5. "I'd have to say the Love Guru. Favourite movie."

Yikes. Even Mike Myers was ashamed to be associated with that piece of garbage. And he wrote, directed and starred in it.

4. "Well I'm still on probation for another 8 months."

The jail yard neck tattoo should have been your first clue.

3. "The best part about living with my parents: access to the fridge."

There is no right way to end that sentence. 

2. "It's not really a fetish, more of a requirement."

Flashbacks to Pulp Fiction: "Bring out the gimp."

1. "Kids? Hate em. Vile little things."

Not wanting kids is one thing. Hating them is another.

At Events and Adventures, all the potential applicants are screened. You can't just walk off the street and become a member. When you meet people at an activity, you know they have their life in order.

They chose the same event as you did, so you definitely have that in common. They still might hold a place in their heart for the Love Guru, but at least you both enjoy rock climbing. 

Apply for a membership and start meeting legitimate contenders.

Truth and Tips on the Future of Dating

This week we viewed two very different projects on the future outlook of dating in our society. They both got us thinking about what it is like to be single in the 21st Century.

Five Dating Truths Hidden in “35 and Single”

"35 and Single," is a short film produced by the New York Times and created by Paula Schargorodsky, an assistant director from Argentina. The film depicts a single woman's take on life in your mid-thirties without a partner.

5. Settling Is Difficult For Everyone

Settling is just as hard for women as it is for men. We're often lead to believe that men are the only ones who want to maintain their freedom. Of course, this view is completely sexist. Women have the same amount of anxiety about handing over their life to another human as men do.

4. Pressure is Universal

The pressure to get married is universal. Anyone over thirty feels the pressure to get married, no matter the culture. I like her description of a 'conservative curtain.' Ignoring the curtain is difficult, but dancing in front of it will always be a spectacle that others admire. 

3. "If you look for perfection, you are in trouble, you won't find it."

Great advice from Dad. You're not perfect, so why expect it in others.

2. The Gypsy Life is Pretty Sexy

The footage she chose is inspiring on its own. Everyone loves to share their favourite moments on Facebook, but this woman has truly been blessed with a full life. If you ever get a chance to pack up your things and work from a suitcase - Take it!

1. "Happiness is a choice."

A beautiful lesson to end the film with. You alone are in charge of where your life will take you. Ironically this same lesson is echoed in "Her," when Amy Adams chooses to include 'joy' over complacent comfort.

5 Dating Tips Hidden In “Her”

Directed by Spike Jonze, this film is a glimpse into a future society where dating an operating system becomes an acceptable form of interaction.

5. Dead Cats

If you ever have a sexy conversation with another human being and they suddenly mention a dead cat, hang up the phone (or pull that little weird earbud out of your ear).

4. Naming Your OS

As soon as you give your operating system a name it gets weird. Take Siri for example. When you start spending time thinking of weird questions to ask your phone, things have started to derail. Let's keep it real folks. Our computers are there to help us navigate our lives, not become part of them.

3. Gaming

In the future, attractive young single women will find video games sexy. Till then, keep your love for Halo on the DL.

2. Setting

The future looks a lot like the Los Angles of 2014. I hate to say it, but a little George Lucaseque CGI work would have been a nice added touch to the landscapes. If you're gonna make your setting a utopian urban landscape, add some impressive new features.

1. Three is Not a Charm

Inviting a third party into your relationship will only make it awkward. Keep it simple. Just you and your OS. ;)

Bonus Lesson: Less Tongue

If you are ever lucky enough to make-out with Olivia Wilde, go easy on the tongue.

Comedy With a Latin Touch

What goes well with Cuban cuisine you ask? A healthy portion of homegrown comedy!

This week I signed up for the Events andAdventures' 'Comedy Night' at Havana's Restaurant on Commercial Drive. There were lots of laughs before, during and after the show, as the E&A crew made the most of our Monday night.

This was by far the most heavily attended event I had been on. Our group was over twenty, with a wide mix of ages. There were so many of us that two of our group had to eat at the bar.

Ambria was the host, who I had met at the Banana Leaf, my first excursion. Once again, she was super friendly and made sure we were all introduced.

Our group was given the back room of Havana's with two average tables and one long one. I sat with some friends I had made at the Extreme Air night and another guy from Wallyball. Two more members joined us at our table.

The menu was a decent mix of Latin food and western fare. I went with something simple: a seafood linguini. I immediately regretted my decision when the woman across from me received her soft tacos; they looked delicious.

The wine was poured with a heavy hand and by the time dinner was over the volume of the conversations at each table was indicative of how much fun we were all having.

Ambria passed out tickets for each of us, along with a Trivial Pursuit card. The cards, we were told, were a part of the show and would be explained inside. My curiosity got the best of me and I asked two of the other members, who had seen "Graham Clark's Laugh Gallery" at a previous event, what the cards were used for. It turns out they were for a prize giveaway. 

To win a prize, Graham had to call your ticket number. You were then instructed to read the host a question from the card. If he successfully answered it, you won a prize pack of retro vintage items.

Audience participation is always cool.

I scanned my question card and decided on asking the TV category question if my number was called. The query and answer were as follows: "Whose memorable TV roles have included T.S. Turner and Bosco Baracus?" The answer of course: "Mr. T."

Around 8:30 we were seated in the small theatre, a separate room at the back of the restaurant. Our group took up about a third of the theatre seats. We were by far the most enthusiastic group there.

Graham Clark introduced the night with a short comedy set and the first prize giveaway. The winner was seated beside our section and she actually gave one of her prizes to a guy from our group who seemed to be keenly interested in one of the memorabilia pieces. A super nice gesture.

As far as the comics were concerned, I thought the night started strong and then lost a little speed with final two comics.

My favourite joke from the evening was from the first entertainer. As Eddie Murphy explains in "Raw," it's never the same retelling a comics joke the next day at the water cooler, but here it goes: 

So my new girlfriend and I are having sex. Thank you, no need to applaud. So I've been going to the pharmacy every couple of weeks to buy condoms. Last week I came home from the pharmacy and my roommate met me in the kitchen. He saw my bag and noticed the box of condoms.
"Why are you buying condoms?" he asked, as if he had never heard of unexpected pregnancies, herpes or AIDS.
"For the obvious reasons," I replied.
"You know they give those things away for free at the clinics. They have big bowls of them in the waiting rooms. You can fill your pockets.""Look," I told him, "they may offer free ketchup packets at McDonalds, but you don't see me filling the fridge with them do you."

Hilarious.

Best night of the week.

It was also nice to see members that I had already met at previous events. Apart from actively looking for someone to date, I feel that E&A is really expanding my social circle. It's also nice to go to events I never even knew existed. Would definitely go back to the Havana Comedy Nights. Next time I’m going with those soft tacos.

Searching for Singles in Vancouver

November is here, and with it, another month as a single man in Vancouver. But things are going to change. I can feel it.

This week, I thought I would compile a list of some of the best places in Vancouver to meet single girls. To make this list, I consulted a number of my friends, scanned a few Internet sites and puled on my own experiences. Each setting is graded on conversation opportunities, repeat visits (the likelihood of seeing the same girl twice at the same location), smile factor, age appropriate (the average age of the women frequenting this location) and overall potential. So without further ado, here is our list of our top locations for meeting women in the city of Vancouver.

1.The Gym - Vancouver is full of them. I've found that the YMCA downtown on Burrard is one of the best places in the city to meet women. It also has a huge selection of services, including a brand new pool area. This may be shallow to say, but one of the best things about meeting a girl at the gym is you know she is committed to looking good.

Conversation: There are so many different conversation starters at the gym, from inquiring about equipment to talking about technique. One of the downsides is girls often have their headphones in.

On Repeat: The gym is an excellent location for seeing the same girl twice. We are creatures of habit and you can use this to your advantage. Chances are high you will see the same people at the gym when you come at the same time the following week. Bonus: Repeatability will keep you going back to the gym on a regular basis. Your body thanks you.

Smiles: The smile factor can be a bit low at the gym. Sometimes patrons are more focused on getting through the pain than flashing a smile.

Age: The average age depends on the gym and the immediate community.  Again, the YMCA on Burrard is a nice mix of young, thirties and middle aged.

Potential: Your chance of getting a phone number is high if you take it slow. Because of the repeatability, you can wait till the second or third meeting. Play it cool at first and see where it goes.

 2. The Gastown Scene - This is where the kids are heading. Full with tourists during the day, Gastown is home to the Vancouver single community at night. From the Lamplighter, to the Revel Room, to Chill Winston, to the Alibi Room, Gastown has a ton of nooks, dance floors and tasty plates. It's proximity to the Waterfront public transport hub means you can leave the car at home.

Conversation: The conversation is easier than the Granville Street scene, but you may have to brush up on your pop culture references.

On Repeat: The repeatability is a little lower when you are dealing with a loose connection of bars, clubs and restaurants. What does this mean for the single man out on the town: if you see the signs, go for it. You probably won't see her again.

Smiles: With alcohol in the mix, the chance for a random smile is higher than the gym. The only thing is, girls may also be more likely to have their defence prepped and ready.

Age: Like the YMCA, the age spectrum runs the gamut from just got their ID to late 40s.

Potential: Visit a number of different establishments in one night and your potential will dramatically increase. For guaranteed results, head to the Metropole.

3. The Grocery Store - It sounds silly, but the produce section is one of the best places to meet women. From Whole Foods, to IGA, to the most reasonably priced grocery store in the Lower Mainland, No Frills, the grocery store is the perfect venue for having an easy conversation with no preconceptions.

Conversation: Make your initial move in the produce department. Even if you came for a frozen pizza, spend some time with the broccoli. That's a metaphor for life right there. If you start a conversation early, you can make it a cute reoccurring thing when you bump into each other again in a different aisle.

On Repeat: The repeatability is crazy high. Everyone needs to eat. If you start to flirt with a girl, remember the time of day. She probably just got off work. Note to self: This is when she shops. 

Smiles: If you're smiling, they will mirror your expression back. Unless they are having a terrible day, a good sign not to approach. Leave them with their tub of ice cream and back away while resisting eye contact.

Age: If they're old enough to buy their own milk, they are probably within range. If they're young enough to not need car service, they are probably also within range.

Potential: Keep your head up, notice the signs, wear a smile and you are bound to meet someone at the grocery store. It may take a few meetings to work towards a number, but if nothing else, your stomach will keep you going back.

To be continued…